189. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 10. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 196. 193. 1. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 227. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Youre not tequila., 5. 217. 63. 11. 104. 12. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Milton Berle If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 55. 183. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 4. 1. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Not me, but somebody does. 59. 109. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 60. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 90. You can only be young once. 26. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 145. Exercise? All rights reserved. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 206. 143. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 56. 65. 186. 202. Alright, get in the basket. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 237. I make a difference by showing up fully. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. No, but April may. 1. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Albert Einstein, 190. 188. 84. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 9. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 157. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Short people with an umbrella. 186. 276. 18. Because they make up everything. 39. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. What do you call a bear with no teeth? What do I do for a living? 153. Erma Bombeck. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 110. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 177. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 144. 9. The rest are too expensive. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 8. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 119. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Because they make up everything. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Everyone brings happiness to this office. I enjoy every minute of it. 270. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 53. 272. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 126. - Donald Trump. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 179. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. 192. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 40. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 67. 71. 127. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 64. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. - Roy T. Bennett. 3. Yeah, so is a grenade. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. I dont suffer from insanity. We have a connection. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Im not insulting you. Those who snore always fall asleep first. In between, I am alive. - Christopher Reeve. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. My cankles will hold me. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 148. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Don't forget to be awesome. Can February march? We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! A wishbone. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 259. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. I draw from my inner strength and light. My mistakes dont define me. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 53. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Frances McDormand If only common sense were more common. 114. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 7. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. All you need is love. 83. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. 212. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. Its called tomorrow. 1. 128. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. It will warm you twice unknown. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I am fine. 188. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 158. 200. 174. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I create my life on a quantum level. 269. Superwoman: single. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I just go normal from time to time. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Today is a great day. 199. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. Microchips. Happy Birthday.". Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 217. How do you count cows? 74. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I receive what I believe. 170. Today, I look at my goals. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Breasts dont have eyes. - Unknown. 118. 26. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. I can create positive change in the world. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 8. 138. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Positive mindset affirmations. 208. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Unkmown. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. My mind is becoming much sharper. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 271. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. 224. I did it! 211. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 9. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Art doesnt transform. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 80. 209. 61. "We . If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 44. 17. Raimonda.B. With time, I have started to value more time. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Read the first word again. 180. I am intelligent. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. 228. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Can February march? 100. Go to bed with satisfaction.". I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 105. They planet. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. 27. 167. 70. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 173. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 107. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Erma Bombeck Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. East 25. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 16. 137. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. I am lazy till I get a motive. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Henny Youngman, 246. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Benjamin Franklin Read the first word again. At night, I cant fall asleep. Life begins on Friday night. Bill Murray There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . 66. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Best friends eat your food. 263. Laughter brings me closer to people. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Helen Giangregorio. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. - Bob Hope. Cry a river. It makes them so damned mad. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Short Funny Quotes. 34. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Love your enemies. 227. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 127. I am positive. Education cost money. My son is now an entrepreneur. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. So far, so good. It has nothing new to tell you. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 195. 239. I feed my spirit. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. 185. 3. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. You can only be young once. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. I understand people talking about me. Pat Sajak, 41. Wilson Mizner 39. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Hes dreaming too. 199. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 272. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 232. 98. 131. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 18. 234. It doesnt work if it is not open. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 91. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Groucho Marx. Alison Boulter. 181. Walter Bagehot If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 123. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 173. 220. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. To thrive in life you need three bones. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 270. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Wilson Mizner, 262. 264. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 215. What is Mozart doing right now? When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Your actions become your habits. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Never take life seriously. I never apologize. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. The only power you have is the word no. 35. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Steven Wright, 252. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Chop your own wood. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Sometimes the M is silent. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. When they go away, its a brighter day. 88. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Why cant you trust an atom? I know the best time to make fun. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. - Kyle Chandler. I am calm, patient and at peace. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. - F. 170. 269. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Albert Einstein 108. I'm a peli-can! 89. 13. But it'll move up again.". The library, because it has so many stories. Its okay, he woke up. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. My mom scolds me for no reason. My chins are a stairway to heaven. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. 69. Albert King I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 184. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. I train my body. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 78. 220. 87. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. You never run out of things that can go wrong. My jokes do. 165. 92. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 146. happy. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". I understand success cant happen overnight. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". I see food, and I eat it. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 115. I can always be fatter. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Albert King. - Catherine Pulsifer. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 7. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 3. 237. 249. 160. 142. 3. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Bill Murray, 251. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. 1. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Good morning! This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Alison Boulter I see the funny side of life more and more. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Lily Tomlin, 242. Im like a postage stamp. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 87. 57. 1. 113. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 109. 2. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 75. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 171. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. 6. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 49. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Some when they enter, some when they leave. Bill Murray. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Things are getting better all the time. Bill Gates. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed.
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