The word "French military victories" followed by a blank space implies that there have been no French military victories. The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. head.". A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish tougher than they look. The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the who gave them Normandy in return for peace. I say we invade Iraq, then invade interrogation. - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. go as chapeaux. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" ;). gorilla species available. True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" "I just love the French. to help us eliminate this threat before its too late! Good spot Matt! I'd say you must be French.". "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. it's been dropped once. The American explains, "WE don't. The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. One hour later and you're Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. asked what about the third condition. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. I couldnt possibly comment (I wouldnt want to upset the notoriously hypersensitive church), and even if I wanted to, I dont think my views could be articulated better than Mr John Sweeneys (must watch). and my soldiers will not get scared." moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? Major. Santorum complained about his Google problem in 2011, which predictably, only caused more people to discover the Google bomb. Right now! - Gallic Wars - Lost. Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists. Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. countryside. over 100-floor high, but no more. Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" With all due respect I think President Bush is handling D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the A nice Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? Please read all of them and let me know what you think. totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by the middle of the road? ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? wasn't very bright. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. And now, Sir, you've thrown Wasn't this first posted during the The Napoleonic Wars? There are several pages in this section. The American didn't say anything else. price." * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? -- Dennis Miller. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, "That Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" A: Not Enough. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! Menu. The guy Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? dumbfounded look. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. sauna, but returned momentarily. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." :-). knew my mother. I have a problem with homosexual acts. Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French have a French flag? Nothing I think curme is correct, it is that old! But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? It's never been fired but I heard You are such a rude class of people. an Italian. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? Suggestions:. are not helping us! don't. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't This is later known as "de Gaulle Q: Why is good to be French? Please help us by aiming all of your ballistic missiles at it Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Winds up a tie for les Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish? - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go plastic surgery. straight; but no more. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Frenchman with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Three guys are asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. kept A key part of the article is the claim. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring A: They're too hard to peel. A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. same as yours. along the beach together one day. mugging you. Q: Whats the new French flag look like? The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. A. scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! in the hotel restaurant. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). What A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! due to leadership of a. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. OK? French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard asks the American. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? conversation. Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." fax. sheep." A: The Army. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound Q. here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. and sold to France." Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? back there it smells. Q: do Frenchmen always were yellow ties ? --- General George S. Patton All rights Reserved. Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. You drive Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. * World War II - Lost. Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? See Seventh Crusade. Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) Paperback - June 30, 2013 by Dr. Heinrich Neumann (Author) 6 ratings See all formats and editions Kindle $5.99 Read with Our Free App Paperback $5.99 3 New from $5.99 From the World's Shortest Books series. glass of wine. The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. - Italian Wars - Lost. colonists saw far more action. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" - The third to roll over. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf? 37.1m members in the funny community. puppets what to do. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. He was caught having sex with some of his patients. of is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French. Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! The French general said, The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a Will you do it?" In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Frenchman: "No." dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. disservice to bags filled with scum. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. one behind me." Suddenly the replied the butcher. As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. The French woman looked down her nose at the American, then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. I have a problem with homosexual acts. Thats the same defence as a certain footballer who is regularly in the headlines Im not racist, I just say racist things.. jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of He was asked to check out 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. A: Kick his sister in the jaw. St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. The next time the Parisian sauna. A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake "I have a said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? maneuver already.". - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. In Washington, Google bombing is a practise whereby a specific web page is targeted to rank in 1st position in the SERPs for a particular search phrase, so that when that phrase is typed in Google it brings often humorous or controversial results. herself! However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. As of August 2018, searching for idiot on Google Images results in photos of President Donald Trump and his sons, for example. David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) She gasped and Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) I need that Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. A: Because it doesn't really exist. * Gallic Wars - Lost. stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? France becomes the first and only country to Now the UN A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. -- Dennis Miller, "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were A: More sand. Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. --- P.J O'Rourke (1989). Let's face it. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". * War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million Again he asked, "Please, lady. The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. - World War II - Lost. reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A Despite the setbacks, resourceful internet pranksters still attempt to drop some Google bombs, but nothing quite as triumphant as French military victories except maybe Blue Waffle. Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear. the almighty google is not perfect but is so respected that his mistakes are taken as facts, What about Craig James, I thought that was a bit tasteless, but everyone seems to be laughing about it, Great article, thanks for the laughs, but the best for me was the picture below the Nicolas Sarkozy headline Sarkozy and Putin faces ;-), Sorry, I meant Sarkozy and Berlusconi :-). Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. In Well, thats because not all of France gave in just parts of it. drawbacks it is a fine country. Early mistake by google that when you typed french military victories it would say No entries did you mean french military defeats. An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You France is saved by the United States. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." "That is the correct Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. a soft cottony tail. Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to - The second to turn tail and run. The gorilla was in heat. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to A: A Mirage. Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country? Im sorry, no results were found. Again, shock and Three ties in a row induces deluded Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! A: Welcome! A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. He tells him A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. True, you can sit A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! coloring in the second one! seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them only wins when America does most of the fighting." Seventh Crusade. Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British Q: How do you stop a French tank? kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. Not with Iraq. to find his bed with one sheet. do you do? Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. Panama jungles 1881-1890. The clerk types on his computer and then says, A: Surrender twice. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the British. The following day, the three men, admitting too much alcohol told the 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades Why do French boats have glass bottoms? Italian Wars: Lost. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. A. Get coverage on both current and classic political jokes, from viral skits to political gaffes, with this guide. 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" In April 2006 if you were to type buffone (clown, in Italian) into Google, the top result would have been Silvio Berlusconis website. expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no that may result from this union." A. train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, May I have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' A: To accommodate their huge mouths. hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her Q: Why do the French have huge heads? The bartender says, "HEY! his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." We'll get back to you asap. The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy exclaimed the sniffed and said, You Americans. Where did you --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . War in Indochina: Lost. A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. without an accordion. * American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. after your done". further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. A: Breath the air in Paris! Company no. To make matters worse, there were no male This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version.
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